Victim Blaming:
How Misplaced Responsibility Forces Victims to Bear the Blame
Written and Edited By:
Chai Ying Yee, Wong Yin Xuan, Wong Yue Ting, Lee Suk Kuan
In cases of sexual harassment, we often witness the following scenario: after victims share their experiences, they are met with a barrage of questions and accusations.
"Were you dressed too provocatively?" "Why are you only speaking up now?" "Are you overreacting?"
Sexual harassment survivors not only have to endure the trauma caused by the perpetrator, but sometimes also face "secondary harm" from the media, family, police, and others. What should have been a time for seeking understanding and support often turns into a trial. These bloodless words cut deeper and more silently into their wounds.
Often, even if it is unintentional, a casual remark can be enough to crush a victim who has just mustered the courage to speak out. Questions like "Are you sure?" or "Did you misunderstand?" can become the reason they choose to remain silent.
Online victim blaming and verbal harm to victims
This article compiles interviews with 988 radio host Lee Chan Hong, an anonymous female victim (referred to as Interviewee A), and Huang Jin Qiu (Jin), a programme officer at the All Women’s Action Society (AWAM), in an attempt to analyse: When someone tells us about their experience of sexual harassment, can we understand their situation? Have we ever unintentionally shifted the blame back onto the victim because we were unable to empathise?
The Deepest Hurt Comes from Those Closest
We often assume that the most painful aspect of sexual harassment is the harm caused by the perpetrator; however, in the victim's world, the most difficult part to bear is often the misunderstanding and rejection from loved ones. In the interviews, the participants consistently mentioned that those they had once hoped would understand and support them often became the source of their loneliness.
Interviewee A recalled that during the process of reporting the incident, she had to handle everything on her own, as her husband did not provide any substantial help. She felt like she was "fighting a WWF match alone," having to navigate the tedious procedures on her own while also enduring her husband's emotional absence and silence. She stated that she did not expect a heroic rescue, but simply hoped that someone would stand by her side during critical moments. However, the reality was that even her closest loved ones did not know how to respond, and in some ways, they inadvertently pushed her further into isolation.
Similarly, after the media reported on Chan Hong's sexual harassment case, he received what some elders referred to as well-meaning reminders. 'I thought they would comfort me, but the first thing they said was: "See if you dare to dress so flashily in the future."' In fact, after the incident, support and comfort from friends were often more effective than 'reminders.' Although the reminders may have been well-intentioned, such prejudice against victims overlooks their right to speak out and seek justice. As Jin said, "Sometimes family members' intentions are caring, but their expression turns it into oppression." For victims, what they need most is not 'don't overthink it,' but the simplest phrase: "I'm here."
When the Keyboard Becomes a Weapon
"You look neither male nor female, so it's only natural that you attract perverts!"
This was a comment that appeared after a media outlet reposted Chan Hong's shared experience without his consent. The comment section of the media outlet was soon flooded with malicious accusations, becoming a breeding ground for the victim-blaming mentality. Comments like 'You're asking for sexual harassment by dressing like that' keep popping up. This isn't just disrespectful; it's a second violation of the victim's dignity.
Jin admitted, 'Many victims fall into self-doubt after reading these comments, and some even experience retraumatization. Others become too scared to speak up.'
In fact, the media's role has never been to 'amplify' the story, but to carefully convey the facts and respect the parties involved. The public should also shift from a 'spectator' mindset to actively understanding the circumstances, underlying causes, and other factors, shifting the focus away from the individual and toward reflecting on the social structure, gender culture, and power imbalances we are part of.
"Trapped in the Fight for Rights:
Systemic Safeguard or Silent Conspirator?
We often think that reporting a crime is the first step towards justice, is the beginning of the system reaching out to help. But for many victims, stepping into the police station does not mean they have received support. Instead, it marks the beginning of another long and difficult struggle. What they often face is not assistance and listening, but rather blame, doubt, and indifference from the system itself.
"Ini betul betul berlaku ke? Atau you mimpi?" ("Did this really happen? Or were you dreaming?") — When such words come from law enforcement officers themselves, we must ask: Does the system really protect us?
During the reporting process, Interviewee A was shuttled between multiple police stations and was required to enter unmonitored rooms alone for questioning. Faced with male police officers, she was repeatedly questioned and even told that the police would only take action if she could '100% confirm the suspect.' When the system refuses to assume its due investigative responsibilities and instead demands that victims gather evidence, pursue leads, and confront perpetrators on their own, this is no longer assistance but a form of shifting blame.
It is worth reflecting on how many victims in our lives feel discouraged by the rigid and cumbersome procedures of our law enforcement system. The mechanisms that should provide them with protection instead allow perpetrators to escape easily, leaving victims to bear the dual pressures of psychological and legal stress alone. This is not merely the negligence of law enforcement officers, but exposes the reality that the entire system is unprepared to address the trauma of victims. Victims must confront not only the perpetrators themselves but also an indifferent system that forces them to prove that the wounds existed.
Blame and the Three Psychological Biases
When sexual harassment occurs, we often instinctively focus on the victim, trying to "remind" them how to avoid risks. However, this can easily cause further psychological harm to the victim. Jin said that people tend to blame the victim, and behind this lie several typical psychological mechanisms, namely the Just World Belief, Attribution Error, and Illusion of Invulnerability.
These cognitive biases make blame seem "reasonable," but in reality, they only deepen the wounds of victims and make healing even harder.
Let Silence Be Understood, Let Voices Be Heard
Through creating this segment, we came to a deeper realization: silence does not mean weakness, but it reflects a society that has never felt safe for victims to speak. Victims do not only endure physical trauma, but also the disbelief, the judgment, and the coldness of institutions. These "second harms" often come
from the people closest to them, through the most familiar tones, even through our own unintended words. But change doesn't have to be grand. Sometimes, it begins with something as simple as: "Are you okay?" It is not advice. Not a challenge. Just care.
We hope this segment is not only a spotlight on the problem, but an invitation to collective reflection. From listening and empathy to breaking down bias and rebuilding trust, each of us can be the beginning of support.