The Road to Healing After Sexual Trauma:
Finding Your Own Rhythm Between Silence and Speaking Out
Written by: Leang Jen Yin, Chin Chu Fong, Ng Yi Foong
Interview: Ng Yi Foong, Low Xin Yue, Goh Yoke Kie
Tan Kim Kiet Lawyer
In today's society, topics like sexual harassment and sexual trauma are increasingly become the center of attention in the public discourse. People always pay much attention to legal support and advocacy for policy reform, but overlook the survivors' personal journey, how they slowly begin to rebuild and reclaim themselves after trauma.
This article centers on Malaysian lawyer and legal advisor to the Society For Scientific Study of Sexuality Kuala Lumpur, Ms. Tan Kim Kiek, a survivor who experienced sexual harassment in childhood and chose to report it over thirty years later.
Her story is not only about personal traumatic memories but also a powerful, real journey from silence to voice. Her story reminds us that true healing does not happen in a single moment of courage or at the police station; it unfolds through every decision and every step taken to reclaim one’s life, dignity, and voice.
This delayed report was more than a legal act; it was a way of revisiting past wounds and giving her younger self the closure she never received.
"No matter how long it has been, I still wanted to do it.
Only then could I truly reclaim my life, my voice, and my autonomy."
Real Healing Begins with Realizing that "I Need to Heal"
Ms. Tan shared that until her thirties, after the two relationships that lasted five years wrapped up, she realized her early trauma might have been silently shaping her intimacy patterns. That moment of realization became the beginning of her healing journey.
During her healing process, what moved her the most were books written by other survivors of sexual harassment. She described the words in the books as the precious "maps" that gave her direction when she felt lost.
"At least, I could copy their methods and give them a try.
I found I wasn't alone."
To her, these unseen authors were like lighthouses at sea, reminding her that she wasn’t alone in this path.
Everyone Has Their Own Pace: Reporting Is Not the Only Way
The decision to report held much more than legal meaning for Ms. Tan. She said it was a way to fulfill something left undone for her 7- or 8-year-old self. But she also emphasized that this was her personal choice. Reporting is just one of many paths. Some people need legal channels to find closure; others express themselves through art or, in some cases, through silence.
She noted that everyone has their approach and decision. Over the years, she no longer encourages survivors to report unless they bring it up themselves.
| "If someone feels they can live well without reporting, we should respect that. I’ve also come to understand that my pain doesn't need to be carried by others."
Silence Isn't Weakness, It Can Be a Form of Protection
For this reason, she deeply understands those survivors who choose to remain silent.
She said, "Silence might mean they’re just not ready." If we push them to act before they're ready, it might lead to secondary victimisation. We always equate "healing" with "immediate action", but ignore the fact that silence may be a person's self-protection mechanism.
Just as physical wounds need time and stillness to scab and heal, so too do psychological injuries require "untouchable" space. Thus, supporters must learn to respect this silence and trust that survivors will seek help when they are truly ready.
Every Choice Deserves Respect
There is no single answer to healing from sexual trauma. Some choose to speak out and some choose to remain silent; some pursue justice through the courts and some simply strive to regain a peaceful rhythm in life.
Every choice is a survivor's way of responding to their pain, and every choice is worthy of understanding and respect.
Companionship Nature is to Honour Survivors' Decisions
When we talk about healing, it's never simply the survivor talking or the listener responding, it's about accompanying with understanding. What we support is not about making decisions for survivors, but about reminding them that they always have the right to choose.
In the final part of our interview, Ms. Tan shared this message for all survivors: "This is not our fault. And since it’s not our fault, what we can do is do our best to live well."
'Don't worry, we're all in this together.'
On the path of trying to live well, every decision made deserves recognition. As friends, family, and members of society, we can become those who are willing to listen, to wait. Not to push survivors toward change, but to remind them, through our companionship: You are already brave. And we are here with you.
Healing doesn't have to be dramatic, and there is no right or wrong way to choose. Once we truly understand this, we will be able to provide space for survivors more safely. So that every person striving to live can know: You are not alone. There is always a path forward. And someone is always waiting for you to arrive.